We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
