I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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