idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
