Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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