Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
