But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
