I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
