I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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