somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
