Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
