Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
