I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
