Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
