Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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