spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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