Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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