I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
