hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
True strength comes from lack of pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
