I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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