Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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