I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
