I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
