my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
