im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
