I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
