fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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