I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
