oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
