after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
