Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
