i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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