In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
