I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
