I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
