I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
