I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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