if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
