I want to have your abortion
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
