you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
