OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
