My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
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stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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