Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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