Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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