either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she smelled like a LAN party
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
