If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Me too!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
