i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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