I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
