What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
