Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
