Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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