Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
