doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
