Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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