I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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