you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
