Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
