i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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