guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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