There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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