ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
