i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
