what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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