Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
