I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
