can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
