I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
