I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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