Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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