did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
